humour

ढूंढते रह जाओगे!

by

“Many years back there used to be an ad for some detergent remember where the lady of the house boomed with pride ‘ढूंढते रह जाओगे’ when her husband found no stains on his shirt. Do you remember that?” asked Jigneshbhai while sipping his coffee last weekend.

Swami and I met our broker friend Jigneshbhai had after a really long time, almost as if searching for an occasion.

I did remember that ad and a quick search on his phone by Swami got the video, and he showed it to our broker friend.

After watching it quickly, Jigneshbhai exclaimed, “Yes – ढूंढते रह जाओगे – she said.”

“It looks like a lot of people are searching for things they aren’t going to find in a hurry” he continued as he took another sip.

Swami and I looked at him waiting for an explanation, but as usual our broker friend kept silent and kept us waiting.

As usual, Swami was the first to lose his patience. He erupted “Who is searching for what and what aren’t they finding?”

“A lot of people!” remarked Jigneshbhai looking up from his newspaper and pointed out. “For one, the government is searching for the दाग of black money and still not finding it!” He showed us the numbers released recently which showed that almost all currency notes were returned to banks after demonetization.

He continued “For another, the RBI is searching for the दाग of fake currency and still not finding it!”

Swami and I looked at our broker friend. Swami asked, “But they got so much cash in the banks and data and now know who has how much cash, and I am sure they will catch the crooks!”

Jigneshbhai had a faint smile. “That’s another search, the income tax authorities are still searching for the दाग of those who have black money and still not finding them!”

Swami was not convinced. “They will, isn’t it? Demonetization has increased the tax base and collections, isn’t it?” he asked.

My broker friend was silent for a bit. But he added quickly. “Possibly” he said. “But that’s another search, maybe a treasure hunt, for another day” he added.

Swami was a bit irritated by Jigneshbhai by now as always. “It’s alright. But in the long-term, it will lead to growth in the economy and even the stock markets are up” he asserted.

“Well – that’s truly another treasure hunt. The public’s search for jobs and development! And the investor’s search for value in the markets!” he said in a sly, furtive manner.

Swami was angry by now. “But it has put a fear in the minds of the crooks and left all the politicians from the opposition stumped.”

My broker friend kept silent for a while again. Finally he said. “Now that is true. It has stumped the opposition. They are searching for a smarter politician and still not finding him. It’s a very tough search for the opposition – they are truly ढूंढते रह जाओगे!” laughed Jigneshbhai loudly.

And that seemed to have made Swami happy too, who broke into laughter too.

After a long time, I had seen Swami and Jigneshbhai laugh this way even as they were having their usual tussle. I myself wasn’t quite sure – like always which side I was on.

Just as we were enjoying the last sip of coffee in the middle of this laughter, the wise man in the sprawling bungalow (who always spoke little and in a cryptic manner) was watching our conversation and dropped in. And he stopped us in our tracks as he said,

“ढूंढते रह जाओगे for the दाग of black money is fine for now, but I hope the search continues with the same ferocity, and leads to some real development. Because that’s why we elected this government in the first place. Remember the same ढूंढते रह जाओगे marketing company came back a few years later and told us दाग अच्छे है!”

 

Didi’s Comedy Show

by

“I remember watching Didi’s comedy show on Doordarshan when we were kids on Saturday afternoons” said my broker friend Jigneshbhai as we were having our coffee yesterday. Swami got excited as he remembered it. “Yes, it was such a hit show. I used to wait for it – that guy made all kinds of faces … Read more

Of Quotes and Learnings, From Investors and Hindi Movies

by

“The problem with famous people and their quotes is that I don’t understand which one to apply when.” Swami remarked, as he walked in for our coffee meeting with a disappointed, confused face. He had a book of quotes with him.

“Is India a leaky boat?” he asked suddenly. Surprised, I looked up to my broker friend for a reply, as I did not understand the question.

But Swami continued. “I read in this book that Warren Buffett once said that if you perennially find yourself in a leaky boat constantly fixing patches, it is better if you devote energy to changing the boat rather than fixing the patches. So I was wondering with all our problems currently, is India a leaky boat?”

Jigneshbhai, my broker friend, maintained a studied silence.

On getting no response, Swami peeped into his book and read out. “He also said that when a management with a good reputation joins a bad business, it is the reputation of the business that stays. So is India a bad business?”

Again, Jigneshbhai maintained a studied silence, perhaps not quite sure what to say.

Meanwhile, Swami was in his own world of quotes and learnings.

He continued. “But he also says that we only attempt to be greedy when others are fearful, and fearful when others are greedy. So is it time for me to be greedy or fearful?”

Swami’s questions were relentless. Jigneshbhai’s silence was unending. Swami continued.

“And there is also a quote where he says that it is better to buy a wonderful company at a fair price, rather than a fair company at a wonderful price. So in the current situation, which one is India and its companies? I am getting confused.”

laugh2He was just not stopping and Jigneshbhai was just not speaking. His studious silence was not making things easy for Swami.

Just then, I noticed that the wealthy man in the palatial bungalow who lived next to me was also sitting in the coffee shop. He must have heard our conversation – actually Swami’s monologue – for a while. We had known from earlier interactions that he speaks little, and whenever he does it is cryptic.

He had probably finished his coffee, and while leaving, he walked up to Swami and smiled.

“अब इन्हें दवा की नहीं दुआ की ज़रूरत है. So wait for the miracle.”

As he walked away, I could see that the wealthy man and Jigneshbhai were looking at each other and sharing a smile.

Maid for Each Other: The Secret Sauce of Marital Harmony

by

“I washed the dishes today” my father-in-law proudly proclaimed, when we visited them. “That’s just today, what about me washing them for the past three days?” jutted my mother-in-law, claiming her rightful place under the sun. “Yes. By the way, we need to get that floor swab tomorrow. Do you know where you get it … Read more

भ्रष्टाचार को पकड़ना मुश्किल ही नहीं नामुमकिन है: The unending search for catching corruption

by

“There is one thing tougher than catching ‘Don’. Call it Mission Impossible if you will, though it is tougher than that. Can you tell me what it is?” asked my South Indian friend Swami as we sipped an evening coffee.

I gave it some thought for a while and ventured a guess. “Beating Australia in Australia.”

“No, we have done it a few years back”, Swami said, rejecting my answer. “Any other guesses?”

Then it was my broker friend Jigneshbhai’s turn. “Beating the market index?”

“Naah, sometimes some people do end up beating the index. It is मुश्किल, but not नामुमकिन,” said Swami, like a quiz master, surprisingly using Hindi, possibly giving us clues.

When there were no more guesses, he finally announced in chaste Hindi, “Well, you may achieve Mission Impossible and catch Don, but भ्रष्टाचार को पकड़ना मुश्किल ही नहीं नामुमकिन है!”

He continued telling us that he had just finished watching three thrilling, adventure movies in the course of the week. He started with watching Tom Cruise jumping off buildings in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and was impressed with the thrills. On the next day, on the insistence of his wife, despite the Ra.One experience, he went and watched Don 2: The Chase Continues. He said he was impressed with the thrills, pace and slickness of the movie.

But the most thrilling of all was the movie he watched on TV spread from Tuesday through Thursday, in which he followed a bunch of talented artistes chase and nail down a known evil named ‘भ्रष्टाचार’. “It seemed a thrilling, almost non-scripted ride. It was never clear what will happen next”, remarked Swami.

“In fact, there was amazing suspense on who the heroes were, who the villains were, and viewers were left wondering whether they kept changing roles”, remarked my broker friend, Jigneshbhai who had partly watched some of the proceedings.

“Yeah – new characters kept coming in from time to time. The stage kept moving, new rules and equations between various characters kept on emerging. In fact, at one point, they even left the viewer guessing on whether the story was actually about nailing down this भ्रष्टाचार guy, or if the plot had changed to something else”, Swami remarked, confused as always.

“Hey, you must be joking about the Lokpal Bill”, I said.

“Yes, of course. But were the thrills in it anything less than MI-4 or Don-2?”, mocked Jigneshbhai. On second thoughts, he continued “Well – those movies at least have a happy ending. This one does not seem like it is going to end soon.”

“But they were going to pass the bill soon, I had thought. Perhaps this session or the next”, I said, trying to be a bit logical and patient. One better be rational and take a well-considered view, specially when it comes to issues of national importance.

But then Swami said, “Well, it is a thriller – so you never know what will happen. They may pass it, but most likely not. In any case, passing the bill is one thing. But catching भ्रष्टाचार is another. That guy will still get away. Don does not catch himself, right?”

He continued, “That’s why I said, Tom Cruise may achieve Mission Impossible. Don may get caught eventually. India may beat Australia in Australia. Someone might even beat the market index consistently. Those things are easy. But it has been 40 plus years now – in our unending search for catching corruption. So भ्रष्टाचार को पकड़ना मुश्किल ही नहीं नामुमकिन है.”

Breaking News: Get down on your knees and pray during market falls!

by

Breaking News: Get down on your knees and pray!

It is this advice from a well known investment expert that led to a huge crowd of men and women and couples in their twenties and thirties sitting down in prayer in front of the Bombay Stock Exchange on Dalal Street in South Mumbai today.

It was a dream come true for investors when the Nifty closed below 4700 for the first time since Oct 2009. Thankfully, RBI’s credit policy did not pull the markets up, therefore providing prices that were not available for the past 25 months for investors to buy. Experts suggested that with the global turmoil continuing and a solution to India’s domestic problems not in sight, they were optimistic that investors will continue to enjoy wonderful prices to buy stocks of great businesses for some more time.

“I think given the global scenario, the party will continue for some more time”, a reliable source was heard saying. An unexpected recovery in Europe and the US may spoil the buying party, so investors should brace against that. But the likelihood of that happening seems low, so it is an optimistic scenario for investors who have not seen such prices for a while. “I have been waiting for this since the last one year”, an experienced investor interviewed by this channel said. “Prices may continue to get better over the next few months if global turmoil, the domestic situation and our government cooperates. So I am keeping my fingers crossed.”

Investors who missed the discount sale three years back were being advised to look at what’s on offer and take advantage of these prices. A young man, who missed the last mega sale in Dec 2008, and who had joined the mass prayers with his newly wed wife, said, “Well, I guess those 2008 kind of mega sale offers don’t come often. But then, this 2011 one is not that bad. So I am praying that the good going lasts.”

Yes, in fact, prayer! Experts had advised investors that they start with a prayer. A prayer that in these unpredictable times for the markets and the world economy, stock prices remain or get lower than where they are. Therefore, leading to the unprecedented flash mob prayer in front of the Bombay Stock Exchange. “If you’re planning to work for another 20 years, then pray for a proper market crash”, a reliable source was heard saying. In fact, a well-known expert went to the extent of saying, “if you are in your twenties or thirties with a steady income saving for retirement, get down on your knees and pray for a fall! And pray that it lasts!”

Ranjit’s Newsletter